Ok, I lied

In Desolation

2009-08-26T19:00:19Z

It was a cold, January night when Henry went into town to check on the laundromat he owned. It was a very unsuccessful business. The world had gone so mad that clean clothes meant little to humanity any more--then again, a lot of countries had little concern for clean clothes years, even centuries, before the cataclysmic events occurred. Presently, the ice storm that knocked out the power to Henry's town had relinquish such a state of anarchism that the town was now completely out of control. Darkness blanketed the town--even street lights usually powered by auxillery units were out. The crisp January air was choked by all the smoke from guns, fires, and bombs that now sheltered the town from starlight.

When he arrived in the parking lot, there was a man in an old beat-up truck, covered in frost. Henry pulled out his phone to call 911. This was a force of habit engrained upon Henry's mind since he was a young boy--"In case of emergency call 9-1-1!" Of course, now, the phone call would not do--it had been months since the police dissolved in the town and now all medical personnel worked as vigilantes against the chaos that brought havok to the town. Fortunately, when Henry approached the frozen body one such vigilante EMT was giving the man a shot that would reverse any hypothermia that had consumed him. The frozen man slowly came to, confused and incoherent due to the brain damage caused by his prolonged state of unconsciousness. Before Henry could offer his help, a gang, dressed and hidden by their dark clothing, drove up in several cars, jumped out, and opened fire from automatics on the surroundings, hitting the EMT and his recently re-conscioused patient with a storm of bullets.

Henry thought, "I should have stayed home tonight."

He also thought he was going to die in the parking lot of his very unsuccessful laundromat.

He scrambled frantically, seeking shelter from the storm of bullets raining horizontally. Abandoned cars, with their doors open--the owners presumably caught in a similar scenario--provided protection.

It wasn't too long before men dressed in police uniforms showed up at the scene. Henry knew he could trust these men about as much as he could trust the gang of black that seemed so intent to stop Henry from living. This became all the more alarmingly so when four of the "police" took aim at him.

Henry ducked inside a Honda Civic and passed out with fear which placed him in very close relationship to a rodent called an opossum which played dead when threatened by a predator. But they had gone extinct years ago due to all the bad garbage they ate.

When Henry came to, light was piercing through the smoke about as effectively as light through a glass of corn syrup. The amount of light suggested dawn but really it was 1 p.m. There was a sense of tranquility despite the reality. His laundromat was now riddled with dysfunctional windows blown out by the rainstorm of bullets. A fire was slowly burning a store two doors down and bodies were strewn about here and there. Henry thought maybe he should remove some of them from his laundromat and as he began to drag the first body he realized how ridiculous his actions were: corpses or no, his laundromat served no purpose now. He went inside and got the "Closed" sign, found a marker, and scribbled underneath in a rather steady hand, "until further notice."

When he got to his car to head back out of town he found that his tires were blown and the passenger door had mysteriously vanished.
He wondered, "Who wants just the one door?"

With nothing else to do, he began his journey.

Imagination is where nonfiction has a love affair with fiction.

2009-08-11T18:02:37Z

Today I was driving down Illinois, I was at about 56th St. when I noticed, up ahead, no less than 5 police cars lined the streets, lights flashing. One of the cop cars had failed to parallel park in between two others, making a 45 degree angle with the sidewalk, jutting out into the lane. Another of the flashing cars was one of those big news vans that the teenage mutant ninja turtles converted into their turtle mobile. Of course this wasn't the turtle mobile; it was a make shift detective unit with full forensic capablities. Unlike the other cars, this one was tan. One might also liken it to the stereotypical pedophile van. Ice cream anyone?

The cause for the brouhaha, supposedly, was the man hand-cuffed next to the forensics van. The descriptive term "long at the mouth" does little justice for this commoner. His face sagged, hanging off his sunken skull, similar to the droopy skin of a blood hound. But he was skinny. To imagine such excess skin hanging off his body one might suspect, at some point in the man's life, this 110 pound body had once been 300. That his frame could support such excess baggage was a mystery. The vacant expression, eyes swallowed by the blood hound's skin, grimaced, "Where have I gone?" And worse, "Where have I been?" He stood, slouching motionless, hands tied by metal, and that vacant expression: frozen.

His clothes were liberal--excessive--half-expecting the missing 200 lbs to return to their master: a pale, olive green shirt swallowed his form and light blue jeans, faded, faded, still fading along with his vagabond lifestyle. I surmised his age was 40, 45; but his age may have been accelerated by the streets he slept on.

One portly cop, of the ten or so standing around, had a zip-lock baggy of dark green--probably weed--and was stuffing it in drawer of a table, propped at the rear of the forensics van. Two other volumous pigs chuckled joyfully, eggrolls spewing out of their mouths.

I couldn't rubber neck for too long. It was at 52nd and the 4-way stop sign forced me to pay attention to order and turn. On my way down 49th a woman stopped her on-coming car, waiting for a squirrel to get out of the way: I smiled.

This is how Indianapolis treats her homeless.

2009-07-09T08:02:40Z

Every now and then I engage a complete stranger in conversation--why not? I like meeting new people and getting different perspectives... I think we all have that but perhaps most of us are closed off for one reason or another, shy or inhibited in opening others up. Perhaps we feel like we are prying into others business by simply saying, "Hello, what's your name?" After all, what business is it ours to know a new name?

Tonight I met Johny Rob:

I'm at a bar hanging out with my friends and I see there's some sort of party--I assume a bachelor's party. I lean in on the table next to ours and ask a guy, very casually and ironically, "So is that your girlfriend," eyeing the scantly clad women next to him. She doesn't hear me, but Johny Rob does and gets up with a smile:

"No," he grins bigger, his upper lip unable to break a crescent moon, "I don't even know her."

I eye him mischieveously, "Oh! Well you guys are perfect together."

"Don't even know her name," he says in a dead pan delivery.

We start shooting the breeze. I learn that his buddy, the aleged bachelor, is actually turning 21. His father is sitting across the room enjoying watching his son get drunk for the first time--legally. He seems pretty ok with the fact that several girls with their breasts hanging out are hanging all over him. Such a father/son relationship seems a little unhealthy, but I can't judge the two. They seem to be in good spirits and why not?

Eventually we get on the topic of why his upper lip can't break a crescent moon:

"A German sheppard attacked me last year--bit my face. A nerve was hanging out past here,"--he puts his hand near his diaphragm--"Doctors shoved it back in there and said it might be a year before I can feel my face again."

"And can you?"

"Nope."

He goes into more detail about his life as of the past few years. After turning 21 himself, his parents decided that they wouldn't have him staying under their roof on account of his father being an extremely conservative type who couldn't, morally, allow a person living in his house drinking, even just a drop. I suppose that's legit. Now homeless, he lives under the "Ripple Bridge". He goes into detail about how these Indianapolis Bohemians live around Broad Ripple, completely broke, and basically live day by day with whatever is handed to them.

"Two nights ago, one of us died."

He says this in such a detached tone, as if common place, that I first laugh. Then I notice his eyes looking down and right--the look we direct our eyes in times of disbelief and I realize that he isn't kidding.

"What happened?"

"Well two of the Ripple Bridgers were driving around when a deer jumped in front of them. The driver swerved out of the way to miss the deer, but the passenger wasn't wearing a seat belt and was thrown out of the car. An ambulance eventually came, picked up the passenger, and took him to St. Vincent's. But because he didn't have insurrance, he was sent away."

"Wait... he was turned away because he didn't have insurrance?"

"Yeah. So he was being taken over to this other hospital. But in route, he died."

"So he was dying and St. Vincent turned him away because he didn't have insurrance."

"Well yeah. He was homeless."

"And the driver?"

"He's in jail."

"Why?"

"Involuntary manslaughter."

"Why doesn't some one bail him out?"

"Can't. He's homeless."

"But he didn't do anything wrong... he swerved out of the way of a deer."

"Involuntary manslaughter."

twitchsalivate @ 2009-06-20T00:57:00

2009-06-20T05:00:47Z

"Hello?
"Yeah... I just wanted to talk...
"No, I'm...
"No no... it's not like that-
"No, listen. I just needed...
"No, I just-
"Soren, listen!
"It was raining and it-
"Soren?"

beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep (click)

twitchsalivate @ 2009-06-17T01:38:00

2009-06-17T05:41:33Z

the fog has settled in
a permanent residency
in this land.

"forget that one,"
he says

"and that one"
he continues

"and that one"
once more

the fog has settled in
a permanent residency
in this land

"that "which is an indeterminant pronoun

let it rest: that.

In memorium KVJ

2009-05-01T01:55:44Z

In movies, interrogators put a bright light on the interrogatee. This, apparently, makes him nervous.

Physical signs of anxiety:
sweating
irregular or rapid breathing
increased heart rate

It's "buy back" season at the bookstore. This is when students whose parents gave them lots of money to go to school sell their books back at a much lower price of which their very gracious parents paid for initially. This makes the students frustrated and angry even though it was their very gracious parents who dished out the dough initially.

Physical signs of frustration and anger:
raised voice
frowny faces
obscene language

One girl, who I'll guess was a sorority girl, [her tote bag had three greek letters, surely one of them was delta. It was bright blue. She had sandals on that also had the same three greek letters. I was not judging her in the very least. I still am not judging her in the very least. She had the cutest little tote bag that was bright blue with matching sandals (oh my God, right?!)] was trying to sell back "Breakfast of Champions".

As it goes, I'm living in the city in which Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., author of "Breakfast of Champions" grew up and was raised.

Physical signs of growing up and raising:
becoming larger and aging
understanding the culture that grew and raised you
or not understanding the culter that grew and raised you

This particular copy of "Breakfast of Champions", so it goes, was a first press. Such was its condition that it had no ISBN. Thus, I could not "scan" it with my little scanner:

<<picture of a scanner here>>

"Sorry," I told the sorority girl whom I do not judge, "I can't take this back... I have no idea what it's worth."

So it goes.

"Oh... well... I don't want it."

She seemed frustrated (see above physical symptoms).

"This book is amazing though! It's so funny and... well... This is going to sound kinda weird and unprofessional. But can I just get this off your hands and take it home with me?"

She said, "Yes, please. It was weird... I didn't like it."

So it goes.

On the back of this particular copy of "Breakfast of Champions" there's this blurb:

"And so it goes. For if there is one thing on which both critics and millions of readers agree, it's that there is only one Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.--and he is at his very best in BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS"

The spotlight can make one nervous. Poor guy.

twitchsalivate @ 2009-03-11T04:48:00

2009-03-11T08:50:02Z

I think I love you because--even though we aren't together--as I try to move on, I feel like I'm still cheating on you.

missing him today

2009-02-17T00:48:25Z

April

The winds came down
without a sound
Then clouds formed
formed a storm
And then it rained
it rained all day
it rained all night
When the sun finally shown
it was like a stone.

I know why the poet wrote,
"April is the cruelest month."

Sure, flowers grow--
they grow so big
they grow so tall

And yeah, I can hear the birds sing,
Singing their songs
All day long

But winter is coming,
coming a long.
(And the snow will fall
And blanket the ground.)

I know why the poet wrote,
"April is the cruelest month."

Every year begins anew
every year begins anew
every year begins anew

But this year I'll be missing you
This year I'll be missing you
This year I'll be missing you

I know why the poet wrote,
"April is the cruelest month."

twitchsalivate @ 2009-02-04T21:24:00

2009-02-05T02:42:15Z

He can feel his heart racing, thumping inside his chest, as he waits for her to pick up.

"Maybe I shoudln't have called her..."

Finally, an answer: "Hello?"

A moment of hesitation and his gut wrenches a little.

"Hey."

"Hey, what's up?"

He notices the politeness in her voice. A forced politeness.

"Nothing, just wondered how you were doing."

"I'm fine."

A small pause. Finally she speaks again.

"How are you?"

"Oh I'm fine... I just got your DVD in the mail."

She corrects him.

"Your DVD."

"That's what I meant."

He thinks how he meant for her to keep the DVD and how silly it all seems now to have had her return it, shipping costs and all.

"Thanks for returning it."

"No problem."

"Yeah, so I guess I know what I'm doing tonight."

She laughs a little.

"Yeah, I have a bunch of homework to do tonight."

"That sucks. Hey, I thought of you earlier while I was making dinner--beef stroganov. Your favorite."

"Ha. Cool. Taylor is bringing over Chinese to eat over homework."

His stomach wrenches again. His heart sinks down.

"Taylor... is your?"

"Yeah."

He feels leaden and vacantly stares off past the wall of his cramped apartment.

"You still there?"

"Yeah. Are you guys in love?"

"I dont know."

He tries to deliver a light line.

"You totally are."

She laughs at this.

"I don't know. He brought me over to meet his parents."

Again, his heart sinks deeper.

"That's kind of a big step, isn't it?"

"I don't know."

There's a long pause, then a click on her end.

She puts her phone back in her pants pocket and turns on the TV.

twitchsalivate @ 2009-02-01T13:17:00

2009-02-01T18:25:15Z

"I just wish you had given us a chance."

He looked around for the waitress to refill their beers.

"I don't know what to say."

"Sorry... don't say anything."

So they sat in silence, beers empty, with nothing to say to one another. Then some tool decided to play Skynard's "Free Bird" on the jukebox.

"I fucking hate this song."

"Yeah. I wouldn't mind hearing something else."

"Have you ever read..."

"You know I don't read," cutting him off mid-sentence.

The waitress came, "Another round?"

"Yeah. One more."

As Lydia handed over her glass, the ring caught his eye--a boulder that would crush any man, weak or strong.

twitchsalivate @ 2009-01-20T08:05:00

2009-01-20T13:12:47Z

the two lovers walked through the snow laden forest, hand in hand. there was silence between them. it was dusk and oranges were beginning to highlight the horizon.

finally he spoke, "where are you taking us?"

"you'll see," she responded, smiling, "it's my favorite spot."

and so the two lovers walked through the snow laden forest, hand in hand. and again, there was silence between them. it was dusk and oranges, now pinks, were highlighting the sky.

"is it much further?," he asked, deploringly, "it's so cold."

"not too much further."

and so the two lovers walked through the snow laden forest, hand in hand. silence between them. oranges, pinks, and purples highlighting the sky.

he noticed a bush surrounded by plump robins, bouncing up and down.

"look at the fat robins!" he said.

the two lovers walked through the snow laden forest, hand in hand. walking in silence. the sky cooly lit with blues and purples, greys, and a small band of orange just at the horizon.

"here it is!" she said.

the lovers had come to the river. she laid in the river, and without speaking, he laid down beside her. and as the river took their lives, they looked at each other, smiling.

twitchsalivate @ 2008-12-16T17:10:00

2008-12-16T22:28:10Z

it's alright to go to that quiet place
where pitch black dark
head aches end
and cold hands
hold hands.

i didn't want to be left behind
where sleep takes rest
stars don't shine
and your eyes
find eyes.

but someone is always waiting
where train stops time
needle's in the hay
and holding you
crushes me.

and i didn't mean the things i said
where noun verbs noun
sentence period
and this end's
the end.

i didn't mean the things i said--
noone is waiting--
just didn't want to be left behind.

it's alright to be in that quiet place.

twitchsalivate @ 2008-12-07T16:18:00

2008-12-07T21:25:58Z

somehow this seems tame
snow blankets the ground
it's cold, but i don't mind
people are over and we're having fun
drinks all around
kitty is so popular

--try not to think about it
(head in hands, shaking no)--
embraced by phantoms
memories of cruises and gauguin.

revolution took place, notice not
trumpet fanfares and french kisses
it doesn't matter, does it?
venomous dogs and vacuum cleaners

get up and go

but then it happened
and snow blankets the ground
surrounded by lights
"it's alright."

just the sound;

eat the turnip,

:

!

Hello, Chicago.

2008-11-06T02:07:53Z

"If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer.

It's the answer told by lines that stretched around schools and churches in numbers this nation has never seen; by people who waited three hours and four hours, many for the very first time in their lives, because they believed that this time must be different; that their voice could be that difference.

It's the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Latino, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been a collection of Red States and Blue States: we are, and always will be, the United States of America.

It's the answer that led those who have been told for so long by so many to be cynical, and fearful, and doubtful of what we can achieve to put their hands on the arc of history and bend it once more toward the hope of a better day.

It's been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this day, in this election, at this defining moment, change has come to America.

I just received a very gracious call from Senator McCain. He fought long and hard in this campaign, and he's fought even longer and harder for the country he loves. He has endured sacrifices for America that most of us cannot begin to imagine, and we are better off for the service rendered by this brave and selfless leader. I congratulate him and Governor Palin for all they have achieved, and I look forward to working with them to renew this nation's promise in the months ahead.

I want to thank my partner in this journey, a man who campaigned from his heart and spoke for the men and women he grew up with on the streets of Scranton and rode with on that train home to Delaware, the Vice President-elect of the United States, Joe Biden.

I would not be standing here tonight without the unyielding support of my best friend for the last 16 years, the rock of our family and the love of my life, our nation's next First Lady, Michelle Obama. Sasha and Malia, I love you both so much, and you have earned the new puppy that's coming with us to the White House. And while she's no longer with us, I know my grandmother is watching, along with the family that made me who I am. I miss them tonight, and know that my debt to them is beyond measure.

To my campaign manager David Plouffe, my chief strategist David Axelrod, and the best campaign team ever assembled in the history of politics you made this happen, and I am forever grateful for what you've sacrificed to get it done.

But above all, I will never forget who this victory truly belongs to it belongs to you.

I was never the likeliest candidate for this office. We didn't start with much money or many endorsements. Our campaign was not hatched in the halls of Washington it began in the backyards of Des Moines and the living rooms of Concord and the front porches of Charleston.

It was built by working men and women who dug into what little savings they had to give five dollars and ten dollars and twenty dollars to this cause. It grew strength from the young people who rejected the myth of their generation's apathy; who left their homes and their families for jobs that offered little pay and less sleep; from the not-so-young people who braved the bitter cold and scorching heat to knock on the doors of perfect strangers; from the millions of Americans who volunteered, and organized, and proved that more than two centuries later, a government of the people, by the people and for the people has not perished from this Earth. This is your victory.

I know you didn't do this just to win an election and I know you didn't do it for me. You did it because you understand the enormity of the task that lies ahead. For even as we celebrate tonight, we know the challenges that tomorrow will bring are the greatest of our lifetime, two wars, a planet in peril, the worst financial crisis in a century.

Even as we stand here tonight, we know there are brave Americans waking up in the deserts of Iraq and the mountains of Afghanistan to risk their lives for us. There are mothers and fathers who will lie awake after their children fall asleep and wonder how they'll make the mortgage, or pay their doctor's bills, or save enough for college. There is new energy to harness and new jobs to be created; new schools to build and threats to meet and alliances to repair.

The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year or even one term, but America I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there. I promise you we as a people will get there. "There will be setbacks and false starts. There are many who won't agree with every decision or policy I make as president, and we know that government can't solve every problem. But I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially when we disagree. And above all, I will ask you join in the work of remaking this nation the only way it's been done in America for 221 years block by block, brick by brick, calloused hand by calloused hand.

What began twenty-one months ago in the depths of winter must not end on this autumn night. This victory alone is not the change we seek it is only the chance for us to make that change. And that cannot happen if we go back to the way things were. It cannot happen without you.

So let us summon a new spirit of patriotism; of service and responsibility where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder and look after not only ourselves, but each other. Let us remember that if this financial crisis taught us anything, it's that we cannot have a thriving Wall Street while Main Street suffers in this country, we rise or fall as one nation; as one people.

Let us resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long. Let us remember that it was a man from this state who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White House a party founded on the values of self-reliance, individual liberty, and national unity. Those are values we all share, and while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress. As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, 'We are not enemies, but friends though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection.' And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn I may not have won your vote, but I hear your voices, I need your help, and I will be your president too.

And to all those watching tonight from beyond our shores, from parliaments and palaces to those who are huddled around radios in the forgotten corners of our world our stories are singular, but our destiny is shared, and a new dawn of American leadership is at hand. To those who would tear this world down we will defeat you. To those who seek peace and security we support you. And to all those who have wondered if America's beacon still burns as bright tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from our the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity, and unyielding hope.

For that is the true genius of America that America can change. Our union can be perfected. And what we have already achieved gives us hope for what we can and must achieve tomorrow.

This election had many firsts and many stories that will be told for generations. But one that's on my mind tonight is about a woman who cast her ballot in Atlanta. She's a lot like the millions of others who stood in line to make their voice heard in this election except for one thing -- Ann Nixon Cooper is 106 years old.

She was born just a generation past slavery; a time when there were no cars on the road or planes in the sky; when someone like her couldn't vote for two reasons because she was a woman and because of the color of her skin.

And tonight, I think about all that she's seen throughout her century in America the heartache and the hope; the struggle and the progress; the times we were told that we can't, and the people who pressed on with that American creed: Yes we can.

At a time when women's voices were silenced and their hopes dismissed, she lived to see them stand up and speak out and reach for the ballot. Yes we can.

When there was despair in the dust bowl and depression across the land, she saw a nation conquer fear itself with a New Deal, new jobs and a new sense of common purpose. Yes we can.

When the bombs fell on our harbor and tyranny threatened the world, she was there to witness a generation rise to greatness and a democracy was saved. Yes we can.

She was there for the buses in Montgomery, the hoses in Birmingham, a bridge in Selma, and a preacher from Atlanta who told a people that 'We Shall Overcome.' Yes we can.

A man touched down on the moon, a wall came down in Berlin, a world was connected by our own science and imagination. And this year, in this election, she touched her finger to a screen, and cast her vote, because after 106 years in America, through the best of times and the darkest of hours, she knows how America can change. Yes we can.

America, we have come so far. We have seen so much. But there is so much more to do. So tonight, let us ask ourselves if our children should live to see the next century; if my daughters should be so lucky to live as long as Ann Nixon Cooper, what change will they see? What progress will we have made?

This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment. This is our time to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American Dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth that out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope, and where we are met with cynicism, and doubt, and those who tell us that we can't, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people:

Yes we can. Thank you, God bless you, and may God Bless the United States of America."